GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
