Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
