I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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