everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
