My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
