Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
