I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
vagina is talking i cant
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
