Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
