You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize