I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
