is wine microwaveable?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
