We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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