The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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