My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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