I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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