I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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