They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
