Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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