How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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