i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
