a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
