he was CRYING into my vagina
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
