I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
should my penis look like a turkey
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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