The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
