Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
