I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
