It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
