im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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