after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize