Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
