We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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