God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
