My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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