even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
