my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize