Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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