i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
