umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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