He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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