she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love you. Go after that dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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