I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
