I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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