do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
