guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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