I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I supernannyed him into submission
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