I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You dont lie about slip and slides
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
