remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are we still banned from the library?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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