In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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