yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
