Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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