it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
