I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
