you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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