I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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