Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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