i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
