The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
