I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she smelled like a LAN party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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