Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
