these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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