He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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