She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
