went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
