Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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