Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
