It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nutella sex= disaster
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
