I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
