this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
