i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
