Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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