it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
how does that bad decision feel?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
