Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
