It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My penis needs a shock collar
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
