went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
