did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
