i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize