Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
