ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
