when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
