Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
