Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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