Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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