Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
