I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
