im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
