I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
