I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well most of my day revolves around power hour
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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